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Cyndi
"Children need fathers ... not just visitors"
Female
57 years old
New Mexico
United States

Last Login: 1/1/2009

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About Cyndi and her Society Philosophies...
Who is not, but should be newsworthy today?
Decent, loving, hard working parents who have lost or are losing their children because of hateful, vindictive ex's. It's called PARENTAL ALIENATION and it's REAL.

Children who have been alienated from a loving parent and have to grow up without that love. They will never be made whole until they are reunited with that missing parent and their extended family.

Parental Alienation is Child Abuse. Although the children do not have broken bones and bruises from their attackers, they have broken hearts and bruised spirits. Some of these children ultimately commit suicide to get away from the emptiness and pain associated with losing a beloved parent.
What current events or circumstances should receive more news coverage?
Parental Alienation
Children's Rights
Who is today's most absurd role model?
... don't get me started!!!
What cause do you believe in enough to take action?
Educating people about Parental Alienation and it's devastating effects in our lives.


WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSERS / PARENTAL ALIENATORS:
________________________________________________________________________

Many people are interested in signs to predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be abusive. Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who abuse their partners.

If the person has several of these behaviors (three or more) there is a strong potential for violence in the relationship. The more signs a person has, the more likely the person is an abuser. In some cases, an abuser may have only a couple of behaviors that the partner can recognize, but they are very exaggerated (e.g., will try to explain his/her behavior as signs of his/her love and concern, and a partner may be flattered at first; as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the partner)."

Jealousy: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. The abuser will question the partner about who s/he talks to, accuse the partner of flirting, or be jealous of time s/he spends with family, friends or children. As the jealousy progresses, the abuser may call frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. The abusive partner may refuse to let their partner work for fear s/he will meet someone else. The abuser may check car mileage or ask friends to watch their partner for them in their absence.

Controlling Behavior: At first, the abuser will say this behavior is because s/he is concerned for the victim's safety, her/his need to use her/his time well, or her/his need to make good decisions. The abuser will be angry if the partner is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment. The abuser will question the partner closely about where s/he went, whom s/he talked to. As this behavior worsens, the abuser may not let the partner make personal decisions about the house, what to wear, or going to church. The abuser may keep all the money or even make the partner ask permission to leave the house or room.

Unrealistic Expectations: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs; s/he expects the partner to be the perfect spouse, parent, lover, friend. The abusive partner will say things like "If you love me," "I am all you need" or "You are all I need." That victim is supposed to take care of everything for him/her emotionally and in the home.

Isolation: The abusive person tries to cut the victim off from all resources. If the victim has friends of the opposite sex, s/he is "fooling around." If s/he has same sex friends, s/he is "homosexual." If s/he is close to family, s/he is "tied to the apron strings." The abuser accuses people who are of support to the victim of "causing trouble." The abuser may want to live in the country without a phone, s/he may not let their partner use a car (or have one that is reliable), or s/he may try to keep the victim from working or going to school.

Blames Others For Problems: If the abuser is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing him/her wrong, or is out to get him/her. The abuser may make mistakes and then blame the partner for upsetting him/her and keeping him/her from concentrating on the work. The abuser will tell the partner s/he is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.


Blames Others for Feelings: An abuser will tell the partner "you make me mad," "you are hurting me by not doing what I want you to do," " I can not help being angry." S/he really makes the decision about what s/he thinks or feels, but will use feelings to manipulate the partner. Harder to catch are claims that "you make me happy," "you control how I feel."

Hypersensitivity: An abuser is easily insulted, and will claim his/her feelings are "hurt" when really s/he is very mad or s/he takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. The abusive partner will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened that are really just part of living like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying, being asked to help with chores.

Quick Involvement: Many victims of domestic violence dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. The abusive partner comes on like a whirlwind, claiming "you are the only person I could ever talk to," "I have never felt loved like this by anyone." S/he will pressure the potential partner to commit to the relationship in such a way that later the partner may feel very guilty or that s/he is "letting them down" if s/he wants to slow down involvement or break it off.

Cruelty to Animals or Children: Abusers may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain or suffering. S/he may expect children to be capable for doing things beyond their ability (spanks a two year old for wetting a diaper) or s/he may tease children or young brothers and sisters until they cry. The abuser may not want children to eat at the table or expect to keep them in their room all evening while s/he is home.

"Playful" Use of Force in Sex: This kind of person may like to throw the partner down and hold her/him down during sex. S/he may want to act out fantasies during sex where the partner is helpless. The abuser is letting the partner know that the idea of rape is exciting. He/she may show little concern about whether the partner wants to have sex and uses sulking or anger to manipulate her/him into compliance. The abuser may start having sex with the partner while s/he is sleeping, or demand sex when s/he is ill or tired.

Verbal Abuse: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen when the abuser degrades the partner, cursing her/him, running down any of her/his accomplishments. The abuser will tell the partner that s/he is stupid and unable to function without him/her. This may involve waking the partner up to verbally abuse her/him or not letting her/him go to sleep.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Many victims are confused by their abuser's "sudden" changes in mood - they may think the abuser has some special mental problem because one minute she is nice and the next s/he is exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who abuse their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics like hypersensitivity.

Past Battering: This person may say s/he has hit others in the past, but they made him/her do it. The partner may hear from relatives or ex-intimate partners that the person is abusive. An abuser will beat any partner they are with if the partner is with him/her long enough for the violence to begin.

Threats of Violence: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the partner: "I'll slap your mouth off," "I will kill you," "I will break your neck." Most people do not threaten their mates, but an abuser will try to excuse threats by saying "everybody talks like that."

Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior maybe used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the partner into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with his/her fist, throw objects around or near the partner. Again, this is very remarkable behavior - not only is this a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but there is great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their partner.

Any Force During an Argument: This may involve a batterer holding the partner down, physically restraining her/him from leaving the room, and pushing or shoving. They may hold the victim against the wall and say "you are going to listen to me!"

Rigid Sex Roles: The abuser expects the partner to serve them; the abuser may say the partner must stay at home, that s/he must obey in all things - even things that are criminal in nature. In heterosexual relationships, the abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.




CALLING ALL ATTORNEYS!!! PLEASE HELP!
We have some fathers & mothers in desperate need of good, solid, and competent legal advice or assistance. These parents are losing or have lost their children to abusive & manipulative ex's, whose only agenda is to obliterate them from their children's lives! It's called Parental Alienation and it's REAL.

There are things happening to these children - things that should never be done to any child ... and I'm not talking about *true* sexual molesation or *documented* physical abuse! I'm talking about children being stripped from parents whom they love, desire to know, and NEED to be in their lives. I'm talking about children being used as a means to exact revenge on an ex-partner - for no other reason than the fact that their ex-spouse CAN. I'm talking children being HYPNOTIZED in psycholgical sessions without the consent of BOTH parents - for an agenda - clearly NOT in the childs best interests! FALSE allegations of sexual abuse for the expressed purpose of separating a child from their other parent. These allegations which can not be proven, yet separate parent from child and destroys lives and reputations in the process!

Surely, there have got to be some people in the legal profession who would be willing to represent these parents either pro-bono, or for a nominal fee with PAYMENT OPTIONS ... or to at least guide these people through the family court system so that they may fight for a right that they should never have to fight for - the right to love, be loved by, spend time with, and raise their own child. The lack of money should never be an acceptable reason for not being allowed to know or spend time with your child!

Look, there are courts who place children back into well-documented, extremely abusive homes, where the child later DIES at the hands of the very parent whom they were removed from in the first place ... this ISN'T the case with most of the parents I'm talking about. These are descent, loving, hard-working people who exist for their child ... who would move heaven and earth for that child if they were only allowed! People who have been driven into bankrupcy because they can no longer fight a system which DOES NOT WORK. Please!!! Someone has got to be big enough to help these parents see their children!


If my friends will repost this bulletin for their friends to read ... and their friends repost it for their friends ... then surely we will find an attorney(s) who would be willing to help some people out. Have them contact me - I can help place that attorney with a parent who desperately needs help reestablishing a connection with their lost child(ren). There are people who have not seen their kids for 10 years on myspace ... some even longer! These people need your help to see their kids! Imagine not seeing your own parents for 5, 10 or 15 years - simply because a vindictive person decided that for you! Imagine never having been alowed to know your father ... your mother ... your siblings ... aunts, uncles or grandparents. How could you describe the emptiness? Imagine giving birth to your child, and having that child stolen from it's hospital basinette! Never knowning how that child was, never feeling their soft skin, smell their hair after it's been washed in baby shampoo! I can not imagine my life without my parents OR my children in it!

Have mercy on the parents and children who have suffered the brainwashing and ugliness of Parental Alienation. Children are NOT "replaceable" and neither are good, stable, loving Mom's and Dad's! No child, and no parent should ever have to go through a special holiday such as Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or Valentine's Day without one another.
For what causes have you taken action in the past?
I'm a pationate person, but a little on the shy side - so, I'm not really an activist by nature. I've donated time & money for my kids schools; was active in the music ministry of my church; collected and donated to Cancer & MDA research - but had never found a "cause" worthy enough to shed my shy skin and speak out against until I met my husband, and his ex began messing with my step-daughter's head and my husbands time sharing.

In 2004 when my husbands ex attempted to modify the time-sharing agreement (stripping my husband and step-daughter of their rights, and our family, of having a loving relationship with his daughter), I told Scott that he needed to fight for Maggie - and our family. We are not people of means, so I borrowed enough money from my parents to retain an attorney to defend my son against molestation allegations & reinstate Scott's & Maggie's time sharing rights.

We won that initial court case, but in December 2006, after much debate & discussion, we decided that it was time to file for a modification of custody - because of the things we were experiencing with Scott's ex and some of the behaviors we'd witnessed out of Maggie for the past 3-1/2 years.

After Scott's ex took Maggie to CYFD (Sept 5, 2007), and the local police executed a search warrant against our home on Sept 7, 2007 (confiscating our home computer to search for Child Pornography), I decided that it was time to do something. I began to research Parental Alienation and speaking out against it using Myspace & Yahoo 360 as venues.

I'm new at this stuff - so I've got a lot to learn - but I have a lot to say, and want to learn more and educate as many people as possible about PAS and the havoc it causes in the lives of our children and our families.


What is the best book you've read about bettering the world?
None, just research on line about Parental Alienation.
What is a socially-conscious website that everyone should know about?
ReshapeSociety.com
TWLOHA.com
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